Well, today is the last day of 2009 and the new year is upon us. As I approach this year and look back over my life the last couple of years, I have realized that I have not been the most pleasant person to be around. I want to thank all of my friends who have listened to me and tolerated me through these times in my life. I have realized over the past few weeks from my Sunday School lessons (based on “Finding Fullness Again” by Ralph Douglas West) that like Ruth I have been stuck in Moab. Like Ruth, I felt like God had forgotten me. I have this terrible tendency to love God based on my circumstances and feeling like everyone else is getting the blessings. Anyone else out there every feel that way? I realize this is wrong, but I feel like there are many people out there who feel the same way. We get into our own pity party and we just stay there b/c it is easier to do that than to actually do the work (spend time with God when we don’t feel like it, trust Him when He seems so far away, etc) to get out.
God has really been working in my life the last couple of days. Last Sunday while I was home, Bro. David preached on prayer and how we really need to be a praying people. One statement that stood out to me was “May our FAITH be bigger than our DOUBT”. It really hit me that I truly need to be praying that EVERY day. I have a tendency to doubt my God, (again I hope that I am not the only one) which goes back to feeling like everyone else is getting the blessings. This morning I decided to read my prayer journal from the past year and half. I realized that my God was there all the time. I felt like that He wasn’t listening to me and that my prayers weren’t getting past the ceiling, but He was listening and talking to me. There are numerous times that are documented on things He said to me. The problem was not that He wasn’t listening, it was that I wasn’t listening. It was easier to stay mad and bitter, than to let everything go.
I say all of this to say that my prayer is that this year will be different. I am tired of the bitterness, anger, jealousy, etc that is eating away at me. I hope to be more committed to Jesus and that my attitude will be changed. Right now, I feel good about it, but I know that as I get back into the real world (actually going to work and facing different issues) that it will be difficult. I ask that each of you who reads this blog will pray for me and I deal with these struggles. I hope that none of you have these problems, but if you do, I hope that something I said will help you to know that you are not alone and that other people deal with these same issues.
I hate to call these my New Year’s Resolutions, but this is what I want for this year:
- My faith to be bigger than my doubt
- to spend more time in God’s Word (not just a daily devotion in the morning, but truly spending TIME in His Word)
- to memorize Scriptures (one per week)
- to journal more (last year’s journal truly helped me to see how much God was there through everything)
- to take care of my physical temple (eat better, exercise more)
I look forward to see what God has in store for me and all of you. I love you all!!!
“But in my distress, I called out to the Lord; yes, I called to MY God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry reached His ear.” - 2 Samuel 22:7
“He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters. “ – 2 Samuel 22: 17
